I enjoy many things that today are classified as old-fashioned, like reading magazines in print and making phone calls rather than texting. But for some reason, I just never seem to warm to the idea of button fly pants, which Vogue reported in 2015 had come back into style. Kudos to the companies like Levi’s for keeping them relevant for almost 150 years, but the zipper is 20 years younger and far superior. Our backpacks, suitcases, and boots aren’t fastened with buttons, and the existence of these items, like pants, is rooted in a sense of urgency. They shouldn’t slow you down. We already submit to putting pants on one leg at a time; the process shouldn’t be protracted. Although I appreciate Jerry Seinfeld’s sentiments about not needing “sharp interlocking metal teeth” below my belt, I prefer not to worry about unbuttoning after a long queue for the ladies’ room, or having the hem of a shirt push through the gaps between buttons. The invention of the zipper was revolutionary, an ergonomic marvel—rejecting it is an exercise in futility.
